For the Umpteenth Time

I just discovered that Eggs chewed my phone power cord for the umpteenth time. After scolding her severely, I've burrowed under the covers, trying to decide whether to press forward with thoughts or wait until after morning coffee.

I'm still debating.

However, I've had this on my mind for a few weeks... 

Do you remember when I underwent a cerebral angiogram and the specialist accidentally numbed my femoral nerve in the process? 

Several brain scans had indicated a blood vessel abnormality threatened my eye. So, a doctor ordered the more invasive test to check. Then, after the procedure another doctor stated, “There’s nothing here. You’re plumbing is fine.” 

All of that was well and good, but after laying flat for four hours, my right leg buckled when I stood to go home because it numb. In time, I convinced the nurse I would maneuver well with a walker. 

But right before bed, I shifted my weight and the leg collapsed underneath me, sending me straight to the floor.

A definite low point.

While no long-term damage was done, the entire experience weighed heavy. In need of hope, I opened a small devotional the next morning and turned to the days reading: 

“Have I been so long a time with you, and yet has though not known Me?” (John 14: 9 NIV).

“Little faith is better than no faith. Little faith in Me is better than great faith in yourself. I do not despise your little faith, but I do mean for it to grow. You have been in this way too long to be content with such a small and shriveled faith. I deserve better! I have not asked you for great human strength and courage. I know your frame and your fearful nature. But I have given you plenty of ‘faith material’ with which to grow a robust faith. Where is the harvest, my child? Where?” 

Totally discouraged, and certain those words were NOT for me after such a hard few weeks, I closed the book and put it back on the shelf. 

Fast forward half a day, and you'll find me in my dad's comfy chair, watching the end of a movie, and bursting into tears... the kind that have much more to do with me than what occurred on the screen. 

Desperate for understanding, I prayed and sorted through the varied thoughts that had undone me, like:

Will my leg get better?
What does my future hold?

One by one I faced that every concern was rooted in fear - not faith. As I faced the truth, the message of the devotion came back. And right there in my utter brokenness, heaven dared to call me higher.

"The Lord disciplines those he loves" (Hebrews 12:6 NIV). He allows hardship only because in bearing all things we become more of who we're meant to be. 

At least, that's what soaked deep into my soul for the umpteenth time that day. 

Only by facing our fears, do we truly build faith. And with faith, we can move mountains.

So, perhaps I should stop chewing and short-circuiting my personal power cord... the one that keeps me connected to Jesus in me, the hope of glory. 

All photos courtesy of pixabay.com