I savored my first cup of Mother’s Day coffee while listening to Don overflow. After wrestling with why Jesus cursed the fig tree, he readied for church. So, by the time I refilled my cup, I sat in a quiet house—alone with my thoughts and my drag-along leg.
Looking back, I recognize a slow demise over many months. But nothing prepared me for the pain and odd gait I experienced Saturday afternoon. It felt like my right leg had come unhinged. Loose, wobbly joints combined with sciatic pain, forcing a stop.
Accepting my fate, I cancelled my day, took a strong anti-inflammatory, and laid in bed, wondering what lies ahead. I see a neurosurgeon Wednesday afternoon and feel quite certain he’ll suggest fusing at least L-4, if not L-4 and L-3. The question is when.
In the mean time, with several important upcoming events, I fought to mentally regroup. In time, I was able to give them all up, reorient my self-worth, and rest in the river of a plan much bigger than my own.
Basically, while not even knowing what my mobility future holds, I gave in to what I preach and recognized personal growth.
How cool is that??
Right now. Right here. Because of the ultimate sacrifice Jesus made on the cross, if we’re breathing, we matter. Forget the color of your skin. Your weight on a scale. Your good health or not. The amount of money in your bank accounts. How far you run. Or how high you jump.
Even if you can only whisper prayers for others one day, those prayers will matter.
It helped that I recently watched the movie, The Help, and saw my favorite scene:
One of the black maids has just been fired and forced to abruptly say goodbye to her employee’s daughter. As the child cries, “Don’t leave,” the sage nanny leans over and says, “Remember what I taught you: You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
However, as much as I love that scene, there’s a deeper mystery at play. Graham Cooke captures it well:
“I think the biggest enemy in the church is not the devil. It’s our own passivity to the majesty of the Lord Jesus. At some point the Good News becomes okay news and Christianity is no longer life changing but merely life enhancing, and Jesus doesn’t change people into radicals anymore just nice people, and the church has become dull, predictable, and monotonous. We belong to this incredible, magnetic personality that changes everything that He comes in to contact with. There is only one way to live in Christ and that is with a sense of wonder and awe” (from The Practice of Delight).
As productivity slows, most disabled and chronically ill people lose their sense of self-worth. I read about their heart ache in Facebook groups and can't begin to count the numerous times I’ve felt isolated and very much alone.
But the more I write about it, the more I realize that when the walls shrink in I need to remember His majesty most and soak in the wonder - even if just from my front porch.
It takes practice. Caving to passivity is much easier, especially if you pay attention to the news. But only by taking time out for wonder will our souls survive the journey.
My leg is stronger today. My knee feels attached again. So, I might just make it one day at a time if I rest and go slow.
While I do my part, will you pray with me that I'll make wise choices in the coming weeks so my legs will carry me to July? Ideally, I'm supposed to visit three states in the next month.
I don't want to push when I should rest. But I also don't want to cave when I should press on. And as I juggle to find the place in between, I sure am open to a miracle:
"In the
morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. Peter remembered and said to Jesus, ‘Rabbi, look! The fig
tree you cursed has withered!’
‘Have faith in God,’ Jesus
answered. ‘Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this
mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but
believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.
Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe
that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against
anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins'" (Mark 11: 20 -25 NIV).
Some photo courtesy of pixabay.com
No comments