Only a week after enjoying a winter wonderland, spring played it's hand. The annual seasonal tug of war has begun and will continue until winter finally caves way to spring. Thankfully, the cold never seems as daunting after the daffodils bloom. And the daffodils are blooming - even in my yard.
While Lily and I enjoyed the warmth of my porch a few times during the day, I never found high gear. I ate poorly, took a long nap, and felt slothful. Unable to put thoughts to words, I slogged through the day, wishing I could lose ten pound while eating leftover Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie and Tagalong Girl Scout Cookies.
If you've ever heard The Spoon Theory, then you know what happened. By weeks end, I was simply out of spoons, cognitively and physically.
Imagine a week's worth of energy being allotted with spoons. Most people receive 20 or so at the beginning of the week. But those of us with metabolic disorders and chronic fatigue only receive about ten. We live with half the resources to manage the same life issues.
When my spoons are used up, I tend to feel depressed. It's not that I'm really depressed. It's just that I'm so tired that even feeling happy takes energy I can't find. Or perhaps I'm just bummed that I must wait a few days to receive new spoons and feel like I'm living again.
So indulge me for a moment if you will. While I wait for a new energy outpouring, I feel like remembering what I've accomplished. Because even after getting dressed and heading to my car for church, I had to turn back and rest. Wobbly legs and nausea indicated a need for more sleep.
My husband turned 60 in mid-February and I hosted a small party to celebrate. We ate Moe's and told stories before pulling out the parachute and pinata. I purchased the latter in hopes that his grandchildren would never forget the evening.
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| Dinner with balloons, table clothes, and candles! |
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| Sam and Courtney and Moe's!! |
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| Don's oldest two son's. Kelly (L) and Donnie (R). |
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| Katie, Elaine, and Keith! |
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| Nikki (Don's daughter!) Penny, Don, and his peanut butter pie. Nikki made five pies for the occasion! |
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| The Parachute!! |
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| The Pinata!! (with Hazel!) |
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| More Pinata fun!! |
Posting the photos makes it real again. Good memories for long days.
The week after the party, I accompanied my oldest son's first choral concert. While the music challenged my fingers, I jumped at the chance to be paid to spend time in his classroom.
We performed several great choral pieces but one stands out this weekend. Not only was it fun to play, it speaks to my mental state when fatigue weighs heavy and mental fog slows normal brain function.
For when I'm in this state of mind, overwhelmed processors make it difficult to craft words (thus it's taken three days to complete this post!). And news and Facebook updates blur together, creating one overriding thought:
"It's crazy down here; just one muddy blur of crazy!"
So I shall close by linking to the choral piece Alice, by Sarah Quilter. Some of you might relate. When I run out of spoons and fatigue wins, I feel I'm living in a Mad Hatters World, where everything's out of balance, dis-proportioned, and even a little mad!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
photo credit: Mug project: 17 via photopin (license) photo credit: DSC_4040 via photopin (license)
Hi Susan, I love the pics from Don's birthday celebrations-it looks like you had a great time and I bet the children adore you! I'm sorry you are in a 'slog' phase at the moment-that's really hard, I pray that in the rest there is a renewal and a deepening awareness of Him. I can relate a bit-at the moment I feel that I am pulling myself through each day and waiting for the fatigue to lift (and wondering when it will). It's been a reminder to me that my body is weak and I find that irritating! I'm holding out for another two weeks when it will then be Easter holidays so I will have two weeks off work-can't wait! I think back to this time last year when I had normal energy levels and came back from work and did things-cleaned, shopped, did the garden etc (and didn't look about 10 years older!). Still, I know that I can do more than many, many people and I remember that too whilst acknowledging the difficulties I feel myself. Sorry to go on, I always read your posts but don't always manage to comment straight away so please don't think I'm ignoring you! May you see more hopeful signs of Spring and blue skies this weekend ( : Love, Vicky x
ReplyDeleteNo apologies!! I always enjoy your posts when you have time to share them. Ended up in the ER this week with severe abdominal pain. A new symptom for me. Thought I was dying for a little while but all tests lead back to mito related gastric slow down. While that's good, it's been humbling. I've got to slow down. Cause if I don't, my body will force me too. So, I shall slow down!! But it's hard to accept physical changes that remind us we're not who we were. Praying for you and praying for me as we accept limits and celebrate the resurrected one!!
ReplyDeleteThat must have been terrifying Susan-how are you feeling now? I agree with the prayers about accepting limits and yes, remembering to celebrate the One who has beaten death and lives in us! x
ReplyDeleteSorry to take a few a days replying... I would quantify the experience as scary, not terrifying : ) ! I was a little dramatic to say I thought I was dying. The pain was extreme and I wondered if I was on the verge of bad news. But I've been doing better ever since. Watching what I eat and trying to rest. Time for another blog post. I'm behind again!!
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