What He Wants to be Right Now

I rolled over in bed yesterday, picked up my phone, and saw I missed two early morning calls from my doctor. So before I even hit the coffee button, I learned I needed to schedule a PET scan. The lesions on my spleen have not gone away and still befuddle doctors.

Living on the safe side requires more tests and an appointment with an oncologist in just over a week. From what I gather, they want to rule out a very rare form of lymphoma that originates in the spleen. 

"They could just be an anomaly in your body," my internal medicine doctor emphatically offered. 

So I'm not crumpled up in worry. 

But I did have to work my way out of feeling like a low lying rain cloud hung over my head. So I did a few things.

First, I spoke with my sister and parents and asked for prayer. Then I asked for more prayer from my Bible study friends and church prayer team. 

The prayer thing settled, I searched for the song we sang not once - but twice - on Sunday. As the song came an end, closing out the service, our pastor, Craig, walked up on stage and said, "That was so good, let's do it again!"

And we did. We sang the entire six minute song over again.

It was epic!

Since a pile of dishes lined my counters, I found the song on You Tube and played it at least six times while I scrubbed dishes with greasy hair, odd looking PJ's, and bad breath. 

You had to be there.


By mid afternoon, I felt lighter, even somewhat free. It's still going to be an odd two weeks, however, and possibly more, depending on test results. But as I listened to Graham Cooke's teaching again today, I was struck by this question: 

"Lord, what do you want to be for me right now that you couldn't be for me any other time?" (Growing up in God, Disk 1).

The answer I hear? "Your joy. Your constant companion. Your Dad who longs to hold you and comfort you. The One who carries you above fear, doubt, and worry."  

Bottom line, there is a way to traverse the unknowns wrapped in a presence not our own.


So will you pray for me too, that I will walk through the next two weeks utterly dependent on The One who made the stars and fashioned me in my mother's womb?

"I heard and my heart pounded, my lips quivered at the sound; decay crept into my bones, and my legs trembled...

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produces no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to go on the heights" (Habakkuk 3: 16 - 19).

Enjoy. Perhaps even more than once.




photo credit: Coffee via photopin (license)