I did OK until a few situations made me feel small. So I took a few mid-day trips to my closet (sans coffee), longing to recenter my heart and respond with spirit led words instead of my own.
As I processed the conflict, Graham Cooke's words came to mind:
"It's important to the Lord that you never lose your sense of vulnerability to his goodness and kindness... If we don't stay vulnerable to the goodness of God we'll most likely get angry and bitter... You need to know 'Dad' from the smallest place possible."
The smallest place possible, you ask? Yes, the smallest place possible. We need to know Him when the stakes pile high against us. When we feel utterly alone. When others taunt our faith and claim there is no God. In the most desperate place, we need to rest assured of his goodness no matter what the world serves up.
9/11. ISIS. Random shootings. Refugees.
Instead of sulking, take time to revel in the good. Instead of growing angry, give Him the load.
As I struggled to stay focused last night, I drove to Bonnie's house like I do most Wednesdays. Bonnie has been battling ALS for over five years now. Diagnosed only days before her husband died of pancreatic cancer, she went to his funeral not knowing what laid ahead. Her sister-in-law, Lu, drove her home and never left her side.
All these years later, Lu still cares for her friend, day in and day out. I just stop by once a week to feed Bonnie dinner and give Lu a break.
Sometimes we watch crime TV. Last night, we relived past vacations. Unable to even stand, Bonnie sat in her chair but traveled in heart to Niagara Falls, Lake Louise, and a lighthouse in Oregon.
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| Niagara Falls |
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| Lake Louise |
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| Oregon |
The time out from the confines of illness stretched our boundaries. Staring at God's creative beauty made it easy to ignore feeding tubes, catheter bags, mobility aids, and a breathing machine that sits on a table close to Bonnie's chair.
Unable to even scratch her own nose, Bonnie often feels small and helpless. So together we seek to remember Jesus, His sacrifice, and the coming beauty we've yet to behold.
I need more time in my closet. Alone in prayer. Because I still don't like to feel small. But if I don't give up, I'm quite hopeful in time His bigness will overshadow me, smallness and all. And I will stand confident in the absolute love of Christ.
Don't give up. Cry out for Him. For if you seek Him, you will find Him. If you seek Him with all of your heart (Jeremiah 29: 13).
photo credit: 2015-08-13-Nickel-Plate-Lake-Perseids-324.jpg via photopin (license)
Awesome when God makes Himself real in ways we would never expect. So glad for family and friends that step up when the need can be so great. Living out the "hands and feet" of Christ.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Reverend Rognyt! And often as we serve as His hands and feet, we gain so much more in return. Blessings to you! Thanks for commenting! ssd
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. (And I may yet surprise you with an e-mail..!) Vicky x
ReplyDeleteAny time, Vicky!! Blessings!
ReplyDelete