Till I'm Hurtin' No More


Before my coffee brewed Monday morning, I knew I was in trouble. UTI trouble. Caught off guard by the infection, I called for a doctor's appointment.


By 10 am, I was back in my car with an antibiotic, thankful for modern medicine and health insurance. (Which then made me thankful for my spouse who works hard for that insurance.) 
But a much needed rest had to wait.

Antibiotic swallowed, I drove east to a previously scheduled eye appointment because about a month ago, my eyes turned blood-shot red and goopy. 

Familiar with the symptoms having dealt with dry eyes before, I scheduled my yearly contact exam using our vision insurance. The optometrist prescribed Restasis. But when I went to get it filled days later, I learned that my health insurance provider now requires several steps before dolling out the pricey eyes drops—including an in-network optometrist appointment.

Which is why I drove east instead home to rest Monday morning as the antibiotics went to work on my bladder infection. Safe on the other side of town, I met with an approved optometrist, who also prescribed Restasis. However, several deep breaths later, I learned that my health insurance provider still refused to fill it until I try some steroid eye drops for three weeks.  

Grrr.


Even the in-network doctor wanted to skip the steroid drops since you’re not supposed to wear contact lenses while using them four times a day. And that’s not an option for me. My contacts correct my long-distance vision needs while my glasses provide prisms for the double vision—which has been worse with the dry eyes.

With no other option, for now, I'm supposed to use the steroid drops before and after wearing my contacts and follow up again in three weeks. Meaning, my eyes will be toast for several more weeks before I get the right prescription.

It’s just complicated.


In light of all of that, you might appreciate the angst I felt yesterday when I couldn’t find a contact after taking a shower. With my eyes in bad shape, the first optometrist has yet to give me a new contact lens prescription, thus I was wearing the only pair I own.

The left contact had slid off center as I washed my face. And even though I immediately squeezed the eye shut, I couldn't find it when I stepped out and looked in the mirror. Certain it was gone, I panicked. The thought of losing another day to odd medical mayhem about sent me into apoplexy.

I searched the floor. The shower. And both again with a flashlight. 

Desperate, I dug around in every corner of my eye once more… 


And found it. Tucked way up in a corner. 

Exhausted, I took a nap.

When I woke, I opened an email. A local book agent spent a month praying over whether or not to rep my book. While she likes it very much and complimented the writing, in the end she opted not to take on my project.

With a podiatry appointment looming, my eyes still goopy, and my stomach unsettled from antibiotics, I gave way to a Big Ugly Cry. 



Ironically, I was scheduled to speak to a group of FCA middle school leaders this morning. My text?

“So, do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded."

If that's all I said all day, it would have been enough. But the verse continues. 

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, in just a little while, ‘He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.’

      But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.” (Hebrews 10: 35-39 NIV)

I opened my talk by sharing that I wasn't there for them. I was there for me. To remind myself not to cave in, shrink back, or give up. 

And I'm better for it.

God is moving in my soul. Plowing deeper ground. Making me strong in my weakness. 

There I stretch my heart wide, aim my thoughts high, and hold tight to my confidence in Him. 

Oh it hurts some days. It really does. This isn't easy. But one day, I won't be hurtin' no more.


All photos courtesy of pixabay.com

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