She definitely has one.
Shortly before Jill stopped taking lessons, she had a seizure while out of the country on a missions trip - in front of whole host of students. It wasn't her first, but confirmed the epilepsy diagnosis. Learning to live with the unknown wore her down. However, even after a doctor warned she might not be able to finish college, she's now pursuing a master's degree in social work.
She took this semester off to undergo extensive testing. As a result, a second brain surgery is scheduled in a few weeks.
I don't like my slow pace. But honestly, I can't imagine what Jill goes through, never knowing when - or if - a seizure will interrupt her day.
As we caught up and shared real life difficulties, she asked a poignant question, "Have you ever had therapy? Like, sit down, one-on-one, with a person therapy?"
As I struggled for words, I found myself saying, "It will make more sense when you read my book."
While there have been a few times I've sat down one-on-one with a therapist, a host of friends and the constant guidance of the Holy Spirit brought me out of the dark place.
I was never quite as depressed as some, but I lost myself for a time about five years ago. Wrapped in rejection, sickness, fatigue, and perhaps just middle-age blues, I succumbed to too many crime TV reruns.
A long summer of disappointment and pain ensued before the events occurred that open my story:
"My youngest son, Sam, hands me a DVD converted from a video recording taken years ago. Apprehensive, I slide it into a laptop and watch the scene from my past come to life. After viewing only part of it, he exits to do homework, pauses, and quips, “What happened to you, Mom?”
Time suspends as I search for a reply.
“Life … life happened, Sam—a lot of life. Like your dad dying and you and I ending up with a genetic disorder. Muscle biopsies, spinal taps, surgeries, you know. Crazy stuff happened.”
He looks my way only somewhat understanding. His seventeen-year-old, senior-in-high-school self tries on my explanation, but it doesn’t quite fit. He can’t give in so why should I? He continues up the stairs and I stand alone. Alone with the reality that the hard stuff is winning. That I caved under the pressure. That my tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed son knows who I was, compared to who I am."
From there I explain that my brother-in-law had found a VHS tape recorded only months before my first husband died. Without warning, he turned it into a DVD and gave Sam several copies while Don and I were away, celebrating our fifth anniversary.
Shortly after we arrived home, we slid it into my lap top. Together we watched as the younger, stronger me spoke with strength, assured that God's love was enough to make it through.
But years later, life had worn me down. The illness. Blended family strife. Financial strain. And lost community. The heavy load stifled the real me until Sam's question woke me up and propelled me on a journey to wholeness.
As I grew stronger, writing my book cemented the change. I poured out my fears, hurts, and feelings of loss through redemptive stories.
Essentially, I wrote my way back to life.
The present tense chapters deal with the last five years of my life. The past tense chapters tell the Jason story, from the moment he saw me in a church and pictured marrying me, to the day he drew his last breath.
There's more to tell, but I'll save that for next week. For now, mark your calendars because my pastor, Craig Bowler, and Bible study leader, Sherrie Escoe, are co-hosting a book signing at:
April 22, 2016
7 - 9:30 pm
3960 Mary Eliza Trace
Marietta, GA 30064
And you're invited!
If you're wrestling with loss, facing your own physical decline, or just wondering how to hold to the reality of God's love in the good and bad, I hope you'll purchase a book and consider writing a review.
Copies are available through me or you can order one here:
I started it yesterday Susan and even though our stories are different in many ways, I am connecting with your story just as I connected with one of your posts when I first stumbled across your blog. I'm savouring it as I read because I know He is speaking to me through it and tissues are never far away..!Vicky x ps I'll gladly post a review on U.K Amazon when I'm done ( :
ReplyDeleteI'm thankful already for your willingness to post a review on the UK amazon. Sometimes at night, I pray that God would be present with my readers through the words. That he would make reading my book a 3D experience rather than just a 2D one. Hope it brings healing for you like writing it brought for me.
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